8 Rules of Wearing a Jersey

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Well the NFL season has come to a painful, disappointing end for me this year and I should probably just let the season go. However, I really can't do that so I thought I'd fire off a quick post. This has absolutely nothing to do with the Colts (as a team), but rather with the fans...and more specifically jerseys. There are some people that drive me ABSOLUTELY CRAZY with their jersey wearing. Now, I know this is really picky, but I can't take it any longer, so I decided to jot down the 8 Rules of Jersey Wearing. There are few to no exceptions to these rules...trust me.

#1. GET THE REAL THING
This is #1 because it one of my biggest complaints. If you're going to support a team and you are a real fan, you MUST buy the NFL replica or authentic jersey. It MUST have the NFL patch on the collar. Yes, these are not cheap, $75 or so, but no substitute will do. You either have the right jersey or you don't. If you're a Colts fan, I better not see a giant horseshoe on your sleeve or chest...if there is one, it's not real. FYI, you can't get the real ones at Wal-Mart.
EXCEPTION: NONE

#2 DO NOT PERSONALIZE
Absolutely unacceptable and cheesy. On the same note, do not buy someone a personalized jersey as a gift. You are not on the team, you will never be on the team. Plus, you can almost always guarantee that if you go to an NFL game there will be a fat, shaved head guy that has a personalized #69 jersey...don't be this guy.
EXCEPTION: There is a player on the team that shares your last name, but they don't make a jersey for him. You may personalize, but only with his number.

#3 NO PINK JERSEYS
Yes, I understand you're a woman. I also understand that there is no way in heck your team would take the field in a pink uni. Therefore, if you truly are a fan, you will buy a jersey in the team colors. Trust me, it makes you look clueless even if you're not.
EXCEPTION: You are under 12 years old...and female.

#4 NO PLAYERS NO LONGER ON THE TEAM & STILL IN THE LEAGUE
That Edgerrin James jersey you still have...keep it in the closet. Same goes for your Cato June and Mike Vanderjagt to name a few. Once a guy retires and he is viewed historically as a member of your team (like James will be) then you may bring it back out. Until then, leave it alone and buy a new one. On the same note, no Marshall Faulk Colts jerseys. Yes, he's retired, but he's a Ram. BTW, I can't believe how many Ken Dilger jerseys actually exist. Fact- if the Colts have a good white player, his jersey will be bought in mass quantity, see: Dallas Clark, Anthony Gonzalez, Jeff Saturday and Chad Bratzke.
EXCEPTION: If you cross the guys name or number out with tape or marker for humor when he comes back to play your team.

#5 DON'T TUCK YOUR JERSEY INTO YOUR KHAKIS
You're a tool with money that can afford tickets...give them to a real fan. Tucked into jeans isn't great either, but slightly less dorky.
EXCEPTIONS: NO WAY

#6 NO JERSEYS IN CHURCH
This one slays me and I see it all the time, especially at our church. Church is for God, not football. If you're going to the game, leave the jersey in your car and change on the way there. Conversely, don't show up to the game in your church clothes.
EXCEPTION: Only if you still have a bedtime

#7 THE T-SHIRT JERSEY
Noooooooooooo!!!!!! It is true, you can do worse than the fake jersey.
EXCEPTION: If it is from a time before they made jerseys for you to buy. So it looks like a shirt, but it's so old it was the only option at the time...below













#8 ANY CHAMPIONSHIP JERSEY OR SHIRT 1 YEAR LATER
Yes, the Colts will always be Super Bowl XLI Champions, but that doesn't mean you can celebrate it forever. All that gear has to go away for a while, because you're officially not the champs anymore. There is at least a 2 year waiting period on this one if not more (you can resume after Super Bowl XLIII). Please, I beg you, put it away until the end of next season. After a few years, it will become cool again.
EXCEPTION: You wear it under another shirt or around the house...never in public.

OK, quick story. So last Sunday at church, I saw one of the worst case of jersey mis-wearing I've ever seen. One of our assistant pastors was preaching and not only was he wearing a jersey in church (Rule #6), he was wearing a fake (Rule #1) tucked into his jeans (Rule #5)!!! In front of everyone!!! Honestly, it was all I could think about the entire time. I am just not emotionally equipped to handle that stuff, seriously.

Now you have the rules, use them and help others do the same. It will make everyone look and feel much better. And if you ever cross anyone at church wearing a pink, personalized Edgerrin James Colts jersey tucked into their pants with giant horseshoes on the sleeves, please call me so I can take care of them myself.